Does there come a point in ones life were you simply are incapable to helping any longer, as lately, I am finding myself giving advice to my friends to help them with issues they are dealing with.
First of all I would just like to say, I help people, because I try and fill the gaps in my life by the joy of others so I never truly have to face my own issues if I am concentrating on others. It probably isn't healthy. Nor Is it productive towards my lifestyle but I do it because it feels right to me.
AS of last night I came to a realization, I have seemingly come to a stop in my ability to help people and give advice, as before were helpful words would flow and I could support my friend, I am listening to situations because are getting into and I have no advice to offer.
Am I simply just not smart enough to handle the things I am trying to take on, or is it my brain telling my enough is enough and there are more things to do in life the steering others for them.
Frankly It is beginning to distress me and has become rather bothersome in daily life much liek the dreams that swirl as real as day in the back of my mind, but I will get to that in a later post.
Unsure what to do next,
-Aden
Ok first congrats for an honest assessment of where you are at. I remember having the same problem at your age except I could never get my head around the fact that everyone has limits. I just thought if you tried hard enough, and long enough any problem has a solution... I still believe that to be so... however I have come the realisation also that this only applies to my own problems.
ReplyDeleteDoes this mean we need to shut ourselves off from helping others... no far from it. Here is the key though. You must recognise that every person has the sovereign right at the end of the day to rule their own life and heart. If you invest more deeply, or care more than your friend does or is capable of at that point in time, you will only repeat the experience that you have just had.
Offer thought that indicates that you care, best wishes, advice, even counselling if you feel capable... but never take ownership of the problem. It is not yours to own, and you may actually hurt the person more by trying to intervene than by leaving them to take care of the issue themselves... Keep in mind it is only in times of conflict that we grow as individuals. Don't deny someone growth by doing the work for them.
At the end of the day the effort must come from them or the solution will never have any meaning for them and they will keep depending on you to solve their problems when the proverbial hits the fan. I have learnt this sadly from experience. You may end up draining your soul for nothing. Some people you CAN help others you have to walk away from... the wisdom is to learn the difference. Not everyone will end up happy or fulfilled, but everyone can. Your only responsibility is to yourself and that is the only way to stay healthy AND help people along the way.